just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
