She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
