After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
