listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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