I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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