He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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