I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
