my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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