I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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