I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Oh god it's open bar.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
