I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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