Just fell off a train. Bad.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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