i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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