I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize