She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize