Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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