I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
you win again, gameday.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
