I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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