Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
