I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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