I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
