Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
