I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
