Who did Billy Mays play for?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
