I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
