if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
