this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
