Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
