I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
