I'm jealous of your bromance
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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