um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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