i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
