I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
two words: eviction party
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You're like the curious george of whores
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
