Define "chronic" masturbator.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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