The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize