there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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