I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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