I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize