I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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