i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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