I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
