This is not my ceiling
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He shit in the fireplace
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
