i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Let's get the cat blown out
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
