you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
my being single is dangerous.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
What a dumb baby whore.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
