Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
