I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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