Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
