Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
