Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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