she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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