I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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