Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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