Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You made out with two different species that night
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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