I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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