He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He better not be in your backpack
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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