She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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