someone threw a dead crab at me
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
