her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
