i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
