I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
