Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
