I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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