Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
