I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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