he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I love having hate sex.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize